I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize