put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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