He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
