and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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