I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
