Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
These tits shall not be calmed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
