i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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