she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
