My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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