I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
