i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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