whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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