You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
