Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
