First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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