i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
worst night to have a conscience
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
