I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
