it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
