I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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