time to smoke my breakfast
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
