covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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