I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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