So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it because I queefed?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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