Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
