I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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