It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
