first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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