Your tits are I can't wait for
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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