I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
