I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
