The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
