Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
