Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
