I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize