Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize