The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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