just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize