they need to just BURY HIM!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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