her vagine was all disorganized.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
