there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
