remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
the raccoons are back...
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