matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
