The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
