How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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