You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize