So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
