high people should be assigned attendants
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
