wanna go halves on a baby?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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