It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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