I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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