I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
