whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
