Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
