just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
