I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
