Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
