This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
