we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize