Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
