I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
