bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I woke up under a house in Key West
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