i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm always down for nudity.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
