I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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