Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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