My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
