Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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