apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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