I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
