Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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