i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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