He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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