I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
