I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Fuck appropriateness.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
