Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
