Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
