I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
