Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
