Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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