time to smoke my breakfast
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
